My company had a round of lay-offs back on Nov. 30th of 2007 and it was a very trying time for me personally. My department was cut by 33% and all of those individuals told that their services were no longer required ended up being people that I cared deeply for and built lasting relationships with. Since that day I have talk with these people very little partly because I am graphically challenged, partially because I am a chronic procrastinator and partially because I feel bad that I kept my job and they did not.
Over the past 10 months, I have increasingly felt frustrated at my job and was not afraid to verbalize these feelings of discontent. I used words like unhappy, unfulfilled and non-challenging but the truth of the matter is the job had never changed and in fact has become more varied and challenging. What my excuses hide, in reality, is that I suffer from survivor guilt and did not want to talk about what happened that gloomy day. This unconscious decision lead to all but severing ties with those I care for and I miss the talks and relationship I had with these people.
I think this weekend I will take some time and phone these people and apologize for being so absent and invest back into these relationship not just for my own healing but also because these friends are a piece of what defines my own existence and that they truly matter to me. My guilt needs to take a backseat instead of driving the car away from meaningful relationship.
Over the past 10 months, I have increasingly felt frustrated at my job and was not afraid to verbalize these feelings of discontent. I used words like unhappy, unfulfilled and non-challenging but the truth of the matter is the job had never changed and in fact has become more varied and challenging. What my excuses hide, in reality, is that I suffer from survivor guilt and did not want to talk about what happened that gloomy day. This unconscious decision lead to all but severing ties with those I care for and I miss the talks and relationship I had with these people.
I think this weekend I will take some time and phone these people and apologize for being so absent and invest back into these relationship not just for my own healing but also because these friends are a piece of what defines my own existence and that they truly matter to me. My guilt needs to take a backseat instead of driving the car away from meaningful relationship.
3 comments:
mmm, good honest thoughts - right on.
(you'll probably get some yummy coffee out of the deal too!)
So how did it go?
It would have went really great if I didn't continue to procrastinate. I keep telling myself tonights the night and then I never do it. Eventually, I will finally connect.
Post a Comment